It will take a while to make leave, at least in my heart. I have resided in this Idaho place longer than almost any other (save my childhood home). There is so much to love about this land. My first grandchild was born here one crisp late fall evening. That event, and the desire to make a new beginning of my life brought me here. GOD has sustained me through many successes and failures. Some heartaches deep and dear, much loss, and great growth. I will miss much of this place.
I have come to love the geese and osprey and raven and owl joyously calling out the seasons. The taste of huckleberries and the scent of the woods behind my home are imprinted in my soul. I love the high hills and "Jack's Valley". I love the clean clear lake, the majestic moose, the sweet does with new fawns, and the brave beaver slapping the water in defense of its kith and kin.
Nevertheless, it is time to go, for now. Time to leave the pleasant company of friends, and the deep nearness of children and grandchildren. Time to lend the cat to that first grandchild who brought me here, and time to loan the dear dog to one I have loved for healing and entertainment.
It took some small bit of grieving to let go of the house upon which so many dreams had once been built. Dreams of growing old here, tending the garden and keeping watch over the season with family filling the house on many occasions. But... as I have said before... our paths are not always as clear as we would make them. Relationships change. Friends fall away. Marriages crumble in spite of everything. Children decide we are no longer interesting or useful. Jobs fade in both security and inspiration. Well so be it...
Let us then take the pieces that GOD has left us with and move forward into LIFE. I cannot/will not cling to this dear house in spite of its echoes. It is time to yield it to another family. I cannot cling to what I once wanted, but can only seize hold of what is possible and present. And now, in spite of all my fears and sorrow... I will bid this place.... and its inhabitants a most fond and bittersweet farewell.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Endings, Beginnings & Panic
I've been telling people for a while... when they ask me to keep in touch and make sure I share my adventures... that I will have a "blog". My childhood dream was to be a published writer...and I've published a few things, but this, a Blog, well it's just so cool (well, I hope it's cool). Now I can check that off my Randy Pausch inspired (Last Lecture) list of childhood dreams. I had a lot of childhood dreams, one of which was to be a teacher, and another was to travel. A lot. It's late July and I am getting ready to embark on the journey that will marry both of these in a way I did not really plan. Writing a dream down is one thing, but making it happen is altogether different. And sometimes achingly difficult.
That counting the cost thing.... I forgot all about it when I posted my CV on several international education staffing sites last October. Must have been something about my 55th birthday and all my children being grown, independent, and having little desire to spend enormous amounts of time with me. Just me rattling around in a five bedroom house with my dog and my cat and occasional visits from my teenage grandchildren.
No one needed me anymore, and as a recovering co-dependent... that hit hard. Oh, there was a threat of losing my teaching position also. More on that later. (GOD works in mysterious ways). I got out my "to do" list for the other side of the hill and one of the items on that list was to live and work in another country. To find work and an apartment and learn the language and acquire the customs and be the foreigner for a change. Sounded exotic and exciting. And the process of acquiring the reality has been both, but here I am on the "eve" so to speak of embarking on this great adventure and the leave taking.... is becoming enormously challenging.
My prayers are desperate these days, "Take care of my kids, help me get the house rented, find a home for my cat and let the dog be alright, send me someone to help me move the heavy things, what have I done....Oh PLEASE GOD help me! Somehow make this all turn out ok."
That counting the cost thing.... I forgot all about it when I posted my CV on several international education staffing sites last October. Must have been something about my 55th birthday and all my children being grown, independent, and having little desire to spend enormous amounts of time with me. Just me rattling around in a five bedroom house with my dog and my cat and occasional visits from my teenage grandchildren.
No one needed me anymore, and as a recovering co-dependent... that hit hard. Oh, there was a threat of losing my teaching position also. More on that later. (GOD works in mysterious ways). I got out my "to do" list for the other side of the hill and one of the items on that list was to live and work in another country. To find work and an apartment and learn the language and acquire the customs and be the foreigner for a change. Sounded exotic and exciting. And the process of acquiring the reality has been both, but here I am on the "eve" so to speak of embarking on this great adventure and the leave taking.... is becoming enormously challenging.
My prayers are desperate these days, "Take care of my kids, help me get the house rented, find a home for my cat and let the dog be alright, send me someone to help me move the heavy things, what have I done....Oh PLEASE GOD help me! Somehow make this all turn out ok."
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