Friday, July 27, 2012

Endings, Beginnings & Panic

I've been telling people for a while... when they ask me to keep in touch and make sure I share my adventures... that I will have a "blog". My childhood dream was to be a published writer...and I've published a few things, but this, a Blog, well it's just so cool (well, I hope it's cool).   Now I can check that off my Randy Pausch inspired (Last Lecture) list of childhood dreams.  I had a lot of childhood dreams, one of which was to be a teacher, and another was to travel.   A lot.   It's late July and I am getting ready to embark on the journey that will marry both of these in a way I did not really plan.  Writing a dream down is one thing, but making it happen is altogether different.  And sometimes achingly difficult.

That counting the cost thing.... I forgot all about it when I posted my CV on several international education staffing sites last October.  Must have been something about my 55th birthday and all my children being grown, independent, and having little desire to spend enormous amounts of time with me.   Just me rattling around in a five bedroom house with my dog and my cat and occasional visits from my teenage grandchildren.  

No one needed me anymore, and as a recovering co-dependent... that hit hard.  Oh, there was a threat of losing my teaching position also.  More on that later.  (GOD works in mysterious ways).  I got out my "to do" list for the other side of the hill and one of the items on that list was to live and work in another country.  To find work and an apartment and learn the language and acquire the customs and be the foreigner for a change.  Sounded exotic and exciting.  And the process of acquiring the reality has been both, but here I am on the "eve" so to speak of embarking on this great adventure and the leave taking.... is becoming enormously challenging.  

My prayers are desperate these days, "Take care of my kids, help me get the house rented, find a home for my cat and let the dog be alright,  send me someone to help me move the heavy things, what have I done....Oh PLEASE GOD help me!  Somehow make this all turn out ok."

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